Witch Path To Take

I am me

2010-11-13T16:19:00.000-06:00

Time gets away from all of us.

I'm really not sure where I am spiritually right now. I am pagan. But I am not wiccan. I am not practicing anything in particular right now. I have no altar. I have no specific anything.

I am floating along. Waiting for inspiration and guidance.

I am me. Finding who I am.

Candles and Crayons

2010-04-27T18:40:00.002-05:00

You can read about Braeden's diagnosis here. I won't go through it all again, just say that it is officially an autism diagnosis.

As of right now, I am tired. I am worn down and exhausted.

Tonight I am going to take a hot bubble bath, light some candles, drink some wine and color some pictures using my son's crayons. They may even be x rated.

It's all about pampering tonight folks.

Blog Dust

2010-04-24T20:46:00.001-05:00

I am in the process of syncing up my two separate google accounts, the one that was exclusively for this blog and my mundane persona. If I am following your blog as Tracy from WitchPath2Take, that google account will no longer be active. I now have to try to make it back and follow everyone using my regular google account, Tracy DeLuca.... sigh.... I made things too complicated when I started this blog. Now it is time to simplify.....

Return Of The Fae Lady

2010-04-24T17:35:00.002-05:00

Honestly, it seems like I just stepped away from blogland for a moment and here it has been forever since I posted! I am well. The children are well. I am trying not to stress out and am just taking a day at a time. I meet with the psychologist on Monday for an official diagnosis for Braeden and that is weighing heavily on me this weekend but I am trying to keep positive.

My garden is doing wonderful so far this year and we have already enjoyed several fresh salads harvested completely from our own garden. My herbs are just exploding into life and I even took sage leaves up to the restaurant last night when they ran out! My sage was better than what they have been buying from their produce supplier. Nyah nyah nyah...... LOL

I am in the middle of a major life change I think. I am trying to exercise and lose weight. I am changing my diet with the intention of going even further towards vegetarianism without forcing my husband to give up his meat (lol). I am picking my knitting and sewing back up and plan to start writing articles again. I need to focus on things that make me happy and fulfill me as a person and a woman, not just as a Mother.

My tarot cards are languishing in their bag, waiting for me to get time and energy to begin working with them. I love tarot, but I have been so conflicted that I haven't felt as if I had any energy to put into learning anything new right now.

I have still visited many of you when I had spare time, even though I have not posted. I will be making the rounds and trying to actually comment soon.

Thank you one and all for the supportive comments. Blessings to all of you.

All Will Be Well

2010-03-12T17:20:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting on the ground on top of the green spring grass, under the spreading limbs of a pink blossomed tree... watching my boys run and play with June sitting next to me. A cool wind is blowing and if I look over my shoulder, I can see the new sprouts coming up in my garden. Radishes, lettuce and spinach are all breaking ground. All but two of my broccoli seedlings are doing great. My herbs are flourishing (recovering from a late cold snap). I have lavender, rosemary, tarragon, sage and oregano planted. I am still in search of a basil seedling and maybe a few more. I have many other seeds to plant but am enjoying seeing the beginnings of the garden show their faces.

The past week has been tough. I am full of self doubt, anxiety and depression.

I am sitting under the tree. Sinking myself into the ground. Feeling my soul sighing as I reconnect with the Earth, Nature and the Mother.

Little pink blossoms are falling on my hair.

I think it means I am loved. All will be well.

Thank you all for the comments. For the thoughts. For the warmth of your blessings.

I am back.

Lost in Every Day

2010-02-28T14:29:00.002-06:00

It's been a rough couple of weeks. For those who do not follow my other blog, I will just say that I am struggling with adjusting my thinking regarding the diagnosis of my son with autism. I have spent a lot of the past 2 weeks just ignoring everything online. I have spent much time talking to my husband and just getting my head on straight. I think I am okay and ready for the adventures ahead for my son and all of us. And maybe I can get back to this blogging thing again!

Miss June used some of her birthday money to get me a surprise.... when we were in the bookstore the other day I had picked out a set of tarot cards that I loved but ended up putting back due to finances. June ordered them on Amazon for me and they were delivered a few days ago! She rocks. So thoughtful! And the cards are gorgeous! It is the Mystic Faerie deck and I am in love with them....

I have spent the past few weeks completely absorbed with mundane research and everyday minutiae. I have not read any of my books, have not visited many blogs and have not done anything even vaguely spiritual. I feel adrift. I need to ground myself and get back in touch with where I am headed spiritually.

Sharing and Caring

2010-02-05T06:27:00.002-06:00

Miss June and I had a wonderful Imbolc. She wrote, planned and led our ritual for the evening and did an absolutely wonderful job. Seeing as how it was one of my very first rituals/ ceremonies, it really meant a lot to me to have her involved. I am still very awkward feeling when it comes to rituals.... know what I mean? Part of what we did involved creating something to share with each other and the God and Goddess. I wrote a poem and I thought I would share it with all of you as well.

O, gentle night,
full of promise and memory,
bringing rebirth and renewal,
cleansing the Earth
and the soul.

New life trembles
on the verge of birth and growth.
Knowledge enters
into the hearts
of the unknowing.

The Maiden waits
to dance amongst the flowers,
to embrace the budding trees,
to gently watch over us
as we take our steps towards spring.

Sharing with Miss June and celebrating together certainly made the night more intense and special for me. I can see why many witches are drawn to coven work rather than solo. However, I think in the long run I am such a private person that sharing that with a large number of people might make me uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

ANyway.

Miss June has a birthday coming up fast. She is turning 16. Wow. I can't believe how fast the time has gone! I have several ideas in my head for her birthday celebration to make them a little more special for her, but I could REALLY use some help. Anyone who feels like lending some brain power, answering a few questions or otherwise helping me plan for her birthday, please email me at faeriecastle at yahoo dot com. I don't want to go into any details on here because, you know, she reads this blog! Hi June! Her birthday is on February 17th.

Thank you all so much for reading, commenting and giving me (us) your support as we walk this path! You have no idea (maybe you do) how much it means to me.

A New Day

2010-02-02T11:17:00.002-06:00

Not a success but not a complete failure yesterday either. Today is another day. I am starting again and will continue to strive to stop smoking altogether. I want to quit as well as needing to quit.

June and I are planning a little ritual for this evening for Imbolc. I think I will let her do most of the planning as she has done more actual reading and rituals than I have. I finished the Idiot's Guide to Paganism and started reading Teen Witch. I have also completed three basic classes at Witch School. All of the info I have read so far is resonating quite nicely with me. I am starting to feel at home, like I have found where I will be comfortable. But for me, it is all about taking my time, finding the spot that works for me and then settling in. I am studying. I am reading. I am feeling. I am thinking and praying and opening to all possibilities.

My every day life is so bus and stressful at times that it is all I can do to get through each day it seems like.

Today I am trying to relax. Clean my home of the dirt and detritus. Clean my home of any negative energies. Clean my mind of any fears and anxiety.

Blessings to all of you who have read, commented and sent emails. You make my struggle and my search so much easier and more comfortable!

It's That Day

2010-02-01T09:40:00.001-06:00

It's that day. That day that I quit smoking. I am trying hard, please send strong and positive energy my way!

I am also trying to plan my ritual for this evening..... I will try to post later with an update. For now, I am going to read, knit, clean, eat and try to keep my mind off of the smoking.

Time Out Is Over!

2010-01-26T12:04:00.004-06:00

The earthquake in Haiti really devastated me emotionally. I'm not sure why (other than the obvious fact that 200,000 people lost their lives) but it really knocked me for a loop. Sometimes I think that I feel things more than other people. Sometimes I wonder if I am more than just borderline bipolar!

Anyway, I seem to have climbed back out of my hole and I have some plans to do some concrete things to help the people of Haiti as well as donate some cash. Stay tuned for some blog posts about that int he near future.

As far as my studying has gone.... I am still slowly reading my way through The Idiots Guide to Paganism. I usually read really fast but I am taking my time with this one. I then plan to start on several other books. I also enrolled in several classes at Witch School. All of them seem to have great information so far and I love the set up and format of the classes. It is helping me process all of the tons of information I am taking in!

I am making plans for an herb garden to go along with my vegetable garden this year. Any suggestions on useful herbs and plants to grow?

I also have some plans in the works for Miss June's 16th birthday which will be coming up soon.

Other than all of that.... LOL..... I am trying to get through each day one day at a time, one minute at a time. Miss June is having some emotional issues surrounding planning her future right now so I am trying to help her and stay calm myself. Both of my younger children are givng me fits.... but my husband and I seem to have reached a spot in our relationship that is better than it has ever been. So I am reveling in that and just trying to keep the peace in every other part of my life.

I am just glad to be out of the depression that I had sunk into for the past week or so. Now I just need to stay where I am!

Time to go and try to catch up with all of my blog reading....

Divining My Way!

2010-01-11T21:07:00.004-06:00

I posted a picture of my very first knitting project over at my other blog for anyone who is interested! I ended up taking a class on Saturday which helped me learn the basics. Can't wait to get started on my next project!

Now. Divination. I have always been fascinated with tarot cards. I was studying how to read them at one time, but ended up getting caught up in everyday life. I have no idea what happened tot he deck I used to have. Time to find a new deck that speaks to me, that I will be comfortable with. Here's a question for anyone reading: Should I purchase a brand new deck or can I buy a used deck? If I were to buy a used deck, should I do a cleansing ritual of some kind?

I am also really interested in runes. And in divination using a pendulum. But I think I will hold off on either of those until I am more comfortable with my path and with reading tarot. For those of you who read tarot cards, how did you decide on which deck to use? Do you have different ones that you use at different times? Is it just which ones feel right to you or is there a reason to pick one deck over another?

(I know. Lots of questions! LOL)

Intentions

2010-01-08T11:18:00.002-06:00

Several of you already know this, but I have another blog. I am keeping this one seperate as a way of staying in the closet. Mostly it is just to keep my daughter from having to deal with the fallout in the family. But, I have no issue with any of you following my other blog. I write mostly about my family over there and post more often for sure. I will also be writing about my weight loss journey, crafting and other new issues for the New Year. You can find me over there at http:// faeriecastle dot blogspot dot com/ I am breaking up the address to keep the link from showing up online. If that makes sense. LOL

ANyway.

Been doing some more reading and came across a line in one of the books that really spoke to me:

...paganism is a path of experience, not of dogma.

I really like that.

As of right now, I am leaning towards Wicca although probably more eclectic and definitely solitary. I don't think I would be happy as part of an actual coven. Although I could be wrong and I am not completely opposed to the idea.

I am continuing to read. As of now, I have an intention of setting my quit smoking date on February 1st as a new beginning for myself. And I am planning to dedicate myself to the Goddess and God and start my year and a day of study, officially, on Imbolc. I really feel this is appropriate and it just feels RIGHT to me.

Tomorrow I plan to post about divination. I have some questions, observations and thoughts....

Crafty.....

2010-01-06T18:33:00.002-06:00

So, I am really feeling like I need to start stretching my creative and crafty wings a little more. I have been so stressed and busy with three kids that I have let my crafting fall by the wayside for the past few years. And, I need something t keep my hands busy as I am about to quit smoking.

I have picked up a few supplies to start doing cross stitch again. I want to teach myself to knit (DH wants a Doctor Who scarf!) and I have lots of quilting supplies and plan to start learning to quilt.

I am looking for resources and blogs about any of the above. If any of you do these crafts or read blogs by people who do, leave me some links please?

Now, off to dinner then to watch some TV with DH and then read some more before bed.

Thoughts to Think On

2010-01-04T16:16:00.002-06:00

Some of the thoughts that have been in my head can be translated to words by the quotes here on this page. Phrased better and more succinctly than I could ever write....

Faith is an oasis in the heart
which can never be reached by the caravan of thinking.
- Kahlil Gibran -

It is better to believe than to disbelieve;
in so doing, you bring everything
to the realm of possibility.
- Albert Einstein -

You pray in your distress and in your need;
would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy
and in your days of abundance.
- Kahlil Gibran -

Seek always for the answers within.
Be not influenced by those around you -
by their thoughts or their words.
- Eileen Caddy -

Within you
Lies the simple silence.
Be quiet and listen...
- Unknown -

Sometimes, simply by sitting,
the soul collects wisdom.
- Zen Proverb -

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.
if I keep on saying to myself
that I cannot do a certain thing,
it is possible that I may end
by really becoming incapable of doing it.
On the contrary,
if I have the belief that I can do it,
I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it,
even if I may not have it at the beginning.
- Mahatma Gandhi -

Truth is that which does not contaminate you, but empowers you.
Therefore, there are degrees of truth, but, generically,
truth is that which can do no harm.
It cannot harm.
- Gary Zukav from "Seat of the Soul" -

Don't believe what your eyes are telling you.
All they show is limitation.
Look with your understanding,
find out what you already know,
and you'll see the way to fly.
~ Richard Bach
(from 'Johnathan Livingstone Seagull')

The way is not in the sky.
The way is in the heart.
~ Buddha ~

For me, the different religions are
beautiful flowers from the same garden,
or they are branches of the same majestic tree.
Therefore, they are equally true,
though being received and interpreted
through human instruments equally imperfect.
~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

There is a destiny that makes us brothers -
None goes his way alone;
All that which we send into the lives of others,
Comes back onto our own.
~ Edwin Markham ~

The purpose of life, after all,
is to live it,
to taste experience to the utmost,
to reach out eagerly and without fear
for newer and richer experience.
- Eleanor Roosevelt -

I do the very best I know how - the very best I can;
and I mean to keep on doing it until the end.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

I Continue...

2010-01-01T13:13:00.003-06:00

I spent my day yesterday (in between all of the everyday tasks that I can't seem to avoid!) reading a bit and thinking a lot. I have also been trying to work some yoga and deep breathing exercises into every day. With, of course, the intention of beginning some meditation exercises soon. I think that meditation will be something that will be extremely beneficial to me whatever path I may end up taking. I think I need the time for myself and the centering of my self that will result.

I used to spend time meditating almost every week. I would go for long walks on the hiking trails at a local state park where I grew up. And there was this little bridge over a stream that I loved to stop at. I would sit on the bridge and watch the water flow and then close my eyes, breath and just be. I have always done my best thinking, dreaming, planning and being out in the woods or on the beach. Floating in water, sitting on grass or in leaves, toes buried in wet sand, cool earth or sticky mud. At night in the darkness with stars to light my way, in the middle of the day with the heat of the sun beating down on me, Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter.... nature in it's many forms has always been my element of peace.

I have also had the best sex of my life outside in nature.

And the most fun with my friends dancing in the rain, sitting around a bonfire, playing hide and seek in the woods.

Alone or in company, I have always been drawn to the outside world.

I guess, in some ways, I have been a pagan for most of my life.

I used to tell my Mother that I was more comfortable in the woods or a field of flowers than in Church. That I felt closer to whatever God there was out there when I could feel him, or her, all around me. She just tsk tsked at me and shook her head. And then made me go sit in the church. Once I turned 18, I rarely went back. To give her her due, once I made that choice she never nagged (much) and just prayed for me. LOL

I'm not really sure where this post is going. Except that I guess I have realized recently that I need to get back out into the world. Into nature. Into my element of peace a little more than I have been lately. Even if it just a walk with the kids. Maybe by reconnecting with that peaceful place within me that comes out at such times, maybe I will be able to find where I need to be a little easier. If that makes sense.

I continue to read. I continue to think.

Exhaustion

2009-12-30T21:02:00.003-06:00

I am utterly exhausted today. My daughter's best friend came over to spend the night last night and I stayed up too late chatting with the girls. The kidlets had me up early this morning and then I spent a good portion of the day running around, exercised on the Wii Fit and had to get some cleaning done somewhere in there.

I know myself. Exhaustion in me can lead to impatience and frustration. SO, rather than try to tackle any more of my reading list this evening, I am headed for a hot bath. Candles, hot bath with some herbs and salts, a glass of something to help with the relaxation and then a good night of sleep.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be ready to read, study and reflect some more. We picked up Teen Witch and The Idiot's Guide to Paganism today and they are both on my reading list along with the Cunningham book. Thank you to everyone for your wonderful book suggestions both here and at my daughter's blog! And thank you for commenting and encouraging both of us. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you are all here reading and to know I have someone to answer questions when they come up. The support is so comforting.

So... to bath and bed for me!

Wiccans and Pagans and Druids, Oh My!

2009-12-29T10:58:00.002-06:00

As I started doing research and reading about Paganism and Wicca, I realized that there are many many different sects and beliefs that are tied up together and labeled under the same name. Many blogs that I have read mention different Goddesses and Gods or different names for their belief systems that I don't recognize at all.

So, I thought I would start out with just trying to categorize what a Pagan IS.

From what I can gather, correct me if I am wrong, Paganism is a fairly generic term that covers a wide variety of beliefs. The basic term is used to describe the more modern neopaganism movement that includes such religions as Druidic, Wiccan, Followers of Asatru and followers of many other deities. Pagans can be followers of a more Earth centered religion or deity centered.

Paganism seems to be a term that covers a wide variety of belief systems that have the basic common theme of being based upon ancient religions and beliefs and being non-Christian. Like the term Christianity that covers all of the different variations. Someone may say that they are Christian and then classify that by saying they are a Methodist. In Paganism, they may say that they are a Pagan but then classify that by saying that they are a Wiccan.

Am I correct here? Is the term Pagan basically a label for a type of religion? Or is there a more specific belief system that is Pagan?

My daughter and I picked up the book Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham this week. She is currently reading it but I plan on snagging it for some reading later today. I have also found several websites that seem to have great info so I am readyt o start reading and comparing and trying to feel my way....

For any readers.... How did you know what path was right for you? Did it speak to you? Did you just fall into it? Did you have a mentor who showed you the way? I know that I am leaning towards Wicca but am wondering if that is just because I know more about it than any other type of witchcraft or Pagan type religion. I really want to find what will work for me and make me feel fulfilled, not just what is convenient and easy. Make sense?

Being, Dreaming and Doing

2009-12-28T11:00:00.002-06:00

I have spent most of my adult life questioning and wondering and thinking. I was raised Catholic and moved away from the church and it's teachings as soon as I had a choice in the matter. I began to explore who I was and try to find the path that was right for me. Then I got pregnant. In the intervening years, my faith and spirituality took a backseat to raising my child (now children), working two and sometimes three jobs and trying to live a peaceful life as part of a family that includes devout Catholics and born again Christians.

After meeting my husband, we moved to Mississippi in 2006. The middle of the Bible Belt. And any thoughts, feelings or desires that I had for a non mainstream belief system were put aside while I tried to settle in and raise my children.

A few months ago my daughter, now 15, started expressing interest in Paganism and Wicca. She had been questioning the Catholic doctrine for some time and I had allowed her freedom to go to church or not. Her choice, her right. When she started asking questions and expressing interest in these other paths, it prompted me to reexamine my own needs and desires regarding my spirituality.

As a way to support her search and as a way for myself to wander and search and find who I am and where I need to be, this blog has come to be. My personal blog is read by too many relatives who are not as open minded as I might like. So, I choose not to discuss any of this on that blog. I need a private place to explore and question without having to defend my choices IRL. I choose to keep the peace.

Here I will write about my thoughts and my questions. Try to discover who I am. Wander through blogs and sites tat may teach me. Support my daughter in her quest. And be myself.

Welcome to my new blog. Please feel free to pass along links, book titles or ideas that may help me discover where I need to be!